Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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