I skipped work to stalk him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
