Can Purell be used as lube?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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