Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We are two peas in an std pod
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
