I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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