so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
