you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
