I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
