Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
