dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
