I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
