I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Randomize
