Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
