That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
