Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Randomize
