just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
