3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
