brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
