I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
