If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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