Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
