You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
