I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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