The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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