Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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