Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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