That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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