you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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