Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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