idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
