if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
