I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
