Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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