i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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