so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
God, I missed his penis.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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