Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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