I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
