ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
