She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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