What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
