I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
