When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
