You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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