So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
