you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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