I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
