I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
