i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
