Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
