Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
