I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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