that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
