your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
