you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
