the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
