at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
