if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
